Stranded in the Snow
by SilverRose130
Summary: Ryou's on vacation, so he drags Bakura, Marik, and Melvin to Alaska! Hilarity, chaos, and other good stuff occurs! NON YAOI!  Note: Yami Marik is Melvin, cause I get confused between Marik and Malik. OC may be involved in later chapters.
1. Ice and Cars Don't Mix

"WHY are we going to Alaska?"

Ryou sighed. He'd been asked this question at least 10 times in the past hour. It had all started when school let out, and Ryou had wanted to go somewhere… different. He didn't want to go somewhere with a lot of people, so that ruled out a number of normal vacation spots (and earned him an hour's worth of teasing from his yami about how shy he was). Eventually, he found a picture of a beautiful lake with a cabin next to it, mountains behind the lake and tall trees surrounding the lake. Interested, he clicked on the picture, and was greeted by a loud voice coming over his speakers, telling him to 'Come visit beautiful Alaska!' He then had to wait two hours to get his computer back from the shadow realm, since his yami had decided that the voice was entirely too loud.

"HIKARI, WHY ARE WE GOING TO **ALASKA**?" came the voice of said yami from the backseat of the car.

"WHY WON'T YOU **SHUT UP**!" Marik shouted from the driver's seat. Ryou had decided to invite Marik and Melvin along, mostly because he'd need witnesses around if Bakura decided to kill him. As for Bakura's question, he just ignored him.

"I'm hungry," Melvin commented from the backseat, looking bored.

"Find someone who cares," Bakura mumbled angrily, staring out the window at the trees and snow. First his hikari had dragged him (literally) on some flying contraption, which he had dubbed the 'flying death trap', and now he was being carted to god-knows-where just because his hikari decided that the WARM city wasn't good enough anymore! That WARM beaches weren't good enough. That WARM Egypt wasn't a good vacation idea! (Ryou had muttered something about 'not bailing you out of jail' when he had suggested Egypt). In all, he was ready to kill someone. Namely Ryou. And maybe Melvin.

"So, what in Ra's name possessed you to make this little trip?" Melvin asked, deciding that he wasn't getting enough attention.

"I don't like crowds, I won't take Bakura to Egypt for the sake of the world's safety, and it looked nice in the picture," Ryou replied, still a bit jet lagged from their long flight from Japan to California.

"So, in conclusion, your hikari has dragged us halfway across the world to basically sit in a different house," Melvin said to Bakura, enjoying tormenting the other yami.

"This had better be a DAMN nice house, cause if you expect me to stay in a pathetic shack you- HOLY SHIT MARIK LOOK OUT!" Bakura screeched, clinging to the seat for dear life as the car started spinning on slick ice.

"DEAR RA WE'RE GONNA **DIE**!" Ryou cried, clutching his arm rests as blurred colors of white and green flew by in the windshield. Marik was too busy trying to gain control of the car, and Melvin was too busy laughing and shouting "WEEEE!" to be of any help. Suddenly, they came to a violent and terrifying stop. Because they had run into a snow bank. The two hikaries in the front seat were busy catching their breaths, Bakura was thanking every god he could think of, and Melvin was still laughing.

"That was fun, let's do it again!" Melvin cackled, which brought Bakura out of his stupor.

"RYOU, THIS TRIP HAS NEARLY** KILLED** ME, SO NOW I'M GONNA-" Unfortunately, that was when the air bags went off, effectively silencing anything he was going to say.

* * *

><p>It had taken an hour for a tow truck to arrive, meaning that everyone was subjected to Bakura's constant whining that it was too cold, too wet, and in general just horrible. Then there was the argument of who was going to ride in the tow truck and who was going to ride in the car. In the end, nobody rode in the tow truck, since the man decided it was too cold and he didn't care, he started driving off without them. Most of the boys made it in the car; Melvin ended up latching onto the cars trunk and clung for 3 miles. Lucky for him they eventually hit a red light, giving him time to climb into the car.<p>

"T-t-thanks for a-all the h-h-help," he spat out through chattering teeth.

"No problem," Bakura said smugly, smirking at the frozen yami. Both the hikaries had fallen asleep, and Bakura was smart enough to know not to wake Ryou up. His hikari was pure evil when he first woke up (a fact Bakura had learned the hard way). The rest of the ride to the cabin was uneventful, the hikaries waking up halfway there. As the tow truck pulled into the snowy driveway, the two yami's mouths fell open at the sight. The 'cabin' was more like a wooden mansion. It was at least two stories high, with different balconies. There was a hot tub on one balcony, and a little bar on another.

"…HOW on **EARTH** did you manage to afford this?" Melvin finally managed to ask, mostly too busy gaping at the epic cabin.

"Oh, I just called my dad and started talking with him about all those birthdays he missed… and Christmas…" Ryou said breezily, a small smirk on his face.

"You blackmailed your dad into renting this?" Bakura asked disbelievingly, not certain if he had heard his hikari right. Ryou was too sweet to resort to Bakura's tactics, wasn't he?

"Well, it's only blackmail if you look at it that way," Ryou claimed, smirk still on his face. Both yami's made a mental note that Ryou was far more devious than they gave him credit for.

**(Well, here's my first chapter! This is my first fanfic that has actual chapters, so bear with me. Note: All flamers and haters will be kicked into the Spartan pit! XD)**


	2. Room Choosing and Random Fires

After paying the tow truck guy, the number one most common argument in the world broke out; who was gonna get which room? Bakura and Marik were arguing over the room with the bar on the balcony, Melvin had threatened to kill anyone who tried to claim the room with the big screen TV, and Ryou was just calmly sitting by, drinking a cup of tea.

"MARIK, I'M THE ONE WHO'S ACTUALLY** LEGAL** TO DRINK!"

"YOU HAVE THE BODY OF A 16 YEAR OLD! JUST BECAUSE YOUR SOUL IS 3000 YEARS OLD DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN DRINK!"

"**THIS IS SPARTA!**" Melvin roared, causing both the arguing boys to stare at him.

"…and what the hell was that for?" Marik finally asked, a bit scared of the answer. Melvin just shrugged, "Eh, I had a moment."

"…"

"…"

"… you haven't been taking your medication, have you?" Marik asked, even though he knew what the answer would be. Melvin grinned, tilting his head to the side

"Nope! When I take those the voices in my head go away and I can't talk to them!" he declared. Earning sweatdrops from everyone else.

"That explains SO much," Bakura mumbled, deciding to take this opportunity and put all of his stuff in the room with the bar, while Marik and Melvin were arguing about medication. After unpacking all of his things, he walked back out to find that Melvin had duct taped Marik to a wall, and was now trying to figure out how to work the gas fireplace.

"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE YOU MOTHER-" Marik began, but was then cut off by a painting falling and hitting him on the head.

"Well, it appears that we've just gotten ourselves a new dartboard," Bakura commented, amused at Marik's desperate attempts to free himself. Marik scowled at him.

"Very funny, now get me down from here!" he growled at Bakura, resisting the urge to bring up a few certain incidents that the yami found extremely embarrassing.

"Depends, just what can you give me?"

* * *

><p>Bakura, now happily playing on what was once Marik's PSP, watched as Melvin tried to get the fireplace working. Ryou had decided to go get pizza and Marik was sulking on the couch.<p>

"Why won't this damned contraption work?" Melvin cursed, trying to get a fire started. Bakura sighed.

"It's a gas fireplace, turn on the gas and throw a match on it," he told him, before going turning back to his game. As Melvin turned the gas on, he bent too close to the gas nozzle, and struck a match.

It was his biggest mistake of his life.

A flash of fire erupted, making the other two inhabitants of the room jump behind the furniture. Melvin, on the other hand, was busy scrambling back, quickly throwing his burning jacket off, and proceeded to stop, drop, and roll.

"OH MY GOD MY YAMI HAS BEEN BURNED ALIVE!" Marik screamed, still hiding behind the couch.

"I CALL HIS STUFF!" Bakura shouted, wondering how to dispose of a burned corpse. "However, at least we won't have to pay for cremation," he mused. Marik stared at him, shocked.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? HE JUST **DIED**!"

"Just trying to look on the bright side of things…"

"Uggghhh…"

Hearing the groan of pain, Marik peeked over the edge of the couch, seeing his yami alive. Singed, but alive.

"Melvin's alive!" he declared, rushing out from behind the couch to check on his yami.

"Really?" Bakura asked, joining Marik beside Melvin.

Who then proceeded to poke Melvin with a stick.

"Dammit, stop poking me," Melvin mumbled, panting, too worn out to move.

"So you are alive. So tell me, how was hell?" Bakura asked mockingly, a smirk on his face.

"Why don't you try it and see for yourself?" Melvin answered, pulling out the matchbox. The room cleared out faster than the fire had started.

* * *

><p>After Ryou returned with pizza, everyone decided to go to bed. However, when it came time to take meds, there was an argument.<p>

"If you wanna stay here, you've gotta take your meds Melvin," Marik said, readying a shot needle in case he tried to run.

"NEVER!" Melvin shouted, taking off through the house with a swearing Marik behind him. Through all of this chaos, Ryou calmly stood, leaving the two Egyptians to scream at each other. He heard a shriek, then a thud. Looks like Marik managed to hit his mark. Going up the steps, he put all of his stuff into the room with the hot tub on the balcony. Going out on said balcony, he looked out over the beautiful white snow and the emerald trees at the snow capped mountains. He watched as a small mouse scampered around, the moonlight glistening around it. Ryou sighed. 'It's so beautiful and peaceful out here,' he thought. That was when an owl swooped down, caught the mouse, and flew off. Poor Ryou. It was a Kodak moment. And just the first day.

**(And here's the second chapter! In case none of you have noticed, this story has NO plot whatsoever, just like most of my stories. I'm amazed at how well this story is coming to me! Btw, to answer a question, no, I sadly don't live in Alaska, though I'd kill to be there *is hit by major heat wave* X.X The mental image I got from Ryou seeing the mouse get eaten was priceless XD)**


	3. Waking Up Early and Falling Out of Trees

"….. DAMMIT!" Ryou slowly opened his eyes, listening to the various profanities being spewed in both English and Egyptian. What a wonderful way to start your day. When Ryou looked at the clock, it read 5:30 AM. Slowly Ryou got out of his bed, fists clenched by his side. 'FIVE FUCKIN THIRTY IN THE MORNING,' he thought, slowly heading downstairs, ready to kill the morons that had woken him up. The poor fools had no idea what they had unleashed.

Meanwhile, the two yami's were busy trying to cook themselves some pizza for breakfast. Marik was sitting at the dining room table, drinking coffee and watching CSI on TV. He was also the first one to see Ryou. His eyes got wide, and he quickly turned off the TV, and dashed out onto the snowy deck, coffee still in hand. He watched in terror as Ryou walked past, then let out a sigh of relief. Then he realized he'd locked himself outside. In his pajamas. 'Oh shit.'

* * *

><p>"Melvin, you're supposed to take the plastic rap off the pizza BEFORE you cook it, you moron!" Bakura shouted, coughing as smoke flew from the oven.<p>

"Ya know, it's things like that they should put on the box," Melvin complained, removing the shrink wrapped and burnt pizza from the oven, setting it on the table.

"It IS on the box. **IN BOLD RED LETTERS**!" Bakura exploded, pointing to the box, the bold red words reading: 'REMOVE RAP FROM PIZZA BEFORE COOKING.' Melvin sweat dropped.

"Well, er…. oh shit." Melvin said quietly, looking behind Bakura like Satan himself was there. Bakura turned, and quickly paled. Satan would have been a pleasant surprise compared to this. Ryou was standing there, still in his pajamas, waves of killing intent practically rolling off of him. Nobody spoke. Both yami's appeared to have stopped breathing.

"What time is it?" Ryou asked quietly, breaking the silence. Melvin had taken cover behind Bakura, who was slowly backing away from the furious hikari.

"Ummm, 5:40?" Melvin weakly replied, still trying to use Bakura as a human shield.

"Exactly. Now WHAT in the WORLD were you two COMPLETE IDIOTS **DOING** at FIVE FUCKING THIRTY IN THE **MORNING** that caused so much **DAMN NOISE** and WOKE ME UP **EARLY**!" Ryou finished shouting, eyes flashing dangerously.

Both the yami's had their backs to the wall, eyes wide and terrified. Evil Ryou had come out to play, and last time it had resulted in the two being forced to live in the baseball dugouts at the local park for three weeks.

"Making pizza?" they both answered, their voices coming out slightly higher than usual. As expected, the shouting began and all hell broke loose.

Marik frantically tried to open the door, but it was locked from the inside as he heard Ryou shouting, he knew that Bakura and Melvin had been unable to escape his wrath. Sighing, he shivered, knowing that nobody inside would be able to hear him, since Ryou was busy screaming his lungs out. Sighing again, he sat on a chair, drinking his coffee, wondering how to get back inside. Looking up, he saw that a window had been left unlocked. But how was he gonna reach it when it was a floor higher than he was? Looking out over the balcony, he noticed a tall tree that grew high enough to where it's branches reached the window. Reaching out, he pulled himself out onto a branch. Marik then slowly made his way up the tree, towards the window. Sadly, that was when the branch he was on snapped, sending him spiraling 10 feet straight down. 'Damn, what a way to die,' Marik thought, watching branches pass by. 'This is gonna hurt,' he thought, bracing himself.

Instead of dying, he landed head first into a snowdrift, his upper body stuck in snow, his legs sticking up in the air. Dammit.

* * *

><p>After Ryou had screamed for a while, he went back to bed, trying to salvage sleep. Bakura and Melvin, however, decided that for their safety, they had better get out of the house for a while.<p>

"Will he be mad at us for the rest of the vacation?" Melvin asked, unsure if it would be smart to EVER return. Bakura shook his head.

"Nah, he'll either get over it within a day or just not remember. He was still half asleep, after all."

"THAT was HALF ASLEEP? What happens when he's FULLY AWAKE?" Melvin exclaimed, looking incredulous. Bakura shuddered.

"His aim is better. Hey, isn't that your hikari in the snow?" Bakura asked, pointing to a pair of struggling legs.

"Why yes, I believe it is," Melvin said, smirking as he yanked his hikari out of the deep snow. Marik was shivering, his face red from the cold. "Come on Marik, we're going to town!" he declared, smirking at Marik.

"W-w-why?" Marik asked, teeth chattering. "Ryou," Melvin replied simply.

As they loaded into the car, Marik and Bakura in front, Melvin complaining and whining in the back, Bakura asked, "So how did you end up in that snowdrift, Marik?" As Marik explained, the other two burst into laughter. When it died away (after about an hour), Melvin said, "You do know you push the door to get in, right?"

Marik was cursing worse than Bakura and Melvin had for the rest of the trip.

**(Wow, I actually managed to get something done! I've been busy babysitting the devil's spawn... I mean my little cousins. Apparently, to them, my sole purpose in life is to play with them. I've walked MILES in 100-109 temperatures, had my WALL drawn on, and my Ipod hidden only once, cause I will KILL for my Ipod. Not much happened in this chapter, but I promise the next update will be better, and MAYBE I'll finally find some form of plot! I'm seriously just writing down whatever comes to mind XD. Now a word from the characters.**

**Bakura: WHY ARE WE IN ALASK- *is duct taped*  
>Me: Stupid questions will not be tolerated.<br>Ryou: Zzzzz...  
>Me: Awww, don't he look so innocent?<br>Melvin: He is anything BUT innocent...  
>Marik: Seriously? You had me FALL out of a TREE?<br>Melvin: At least she didn't try to burn you alive...  
>Me: Flamers and people that are rude shall be fed to wolves! Bye ^-^!<br>Everyone: O.o...)  
><strong>


	4. Fangirls and Car Chases

"Dammit, Marik, this radio station suuuuucks! Can we listen to honest to god heavy metal?" Melvin whined, as Bullet for My Valentine's song 'Your Betrayal' blared from the stereo.

"Your opinions matter less than dirt to me, and as long as I drive, I control the radio station!" Marik shot back, carefully watching the road for any sign of ice. Meanwhile, Bakura was playing on his newly acquired (stolen) DSI. The group had been driving for almost an hour because Ryou had picked the cabin farthest from civilization. Gradually, though, trees gave way to buildings and before they knew it they were being blinded by neon lights and annoying, bright signs.

"Marik, where the hell are we?" Bakura asked, squinting as a rather large and colorful neon sign passed them by.

"Don't know. I can't see," Marik replied, trying to see if they were still on the road. "Dammit, I wish I had sunglasses!" Now Melvin, being the smart person he is, reached out the window and grabbed a random pedestrian's sunglasses, and handed them to his hikari.

"Here ya go!" he said, grinning as the original owner rolled on the ground screaming 'MY EYES!' Marik quickly put them on, and discovered two things. 1: Sunglasses DID make an improvement, and he now understood why the locals were wearing them at night. 2: They had been driving on the sidewalk for the last ten blocks. Mothers were pulling children to safety, people diving into alleys, and people too slow/stupid to move were run down.

"Marik, you just hit an old lady," Bakura pointed out, watching the lady go sailing over the hood.

"Really? I had NO idea," Marik said sarcastically, managing to get back on the road. However, that's when the red and blue lights started flashing behind them.

"OH SHIT IT'S THE COPS! **FLOOR IT**!" Melvin shouted, while Bakura started hiding his stolen DSI under the seat. Marik hit the gas, zooming past other cars, the cop hot in pursuit.

"QUICK MARIK, DOWN THE ALLEY!" Bakura shouted, hanging onto the car as Marik made the sharp turn. He then quickly turned his lights off, and the cop car raced right past them. There was a moment of silence, everyone busy catching their breath.

"How did we NOT notice that we were on the sidewalk?" Melvin asked, looking at the dents in their car. Marik pulled out of the alley, driving to a nearby club and parked behind some huge cars, hoping the car wouldn't be spotted. Bakura, however, had other ideas. He quickly swapped license plates with the car next to them, and walked away trying to look innocent.

* * *

><p>The club was packed, with two floors and lights everywhere, and a bar set off to the side. As the three fought their way to the bar, lights and music blaring, they all wondered the same thing: 'How the hell can these people see without sunglasses?'<p>

***Several shots of random drinks later***

"Hey, 'Kura, whysh the room sphinnin like dat?" Melvin slurred, teetering dangerously on his feet.

"Dunno. Hey, lookit that," Bakura replied, looking out a window. The cops had surrounded the vehicle Bakura had switched plates with, and the owners were being forced into the back of a cop car. Marik, who was still sober, made his way to the drunken yamis.

"Come on, we'd better get back before…" he began, but was then cut off by the most horrid sound he would ever hear.

"SQUEEEEEEEE! OMG IT'S MARIK AND MELVIN AND BAKURA! **WE LOVE YOU!**"

The three turned, seeing a mob of fangirls on the second floor waving madly down at them. All three turned white.

"Ohmigod, how'd the fuck they find ush here?" Melvin said, the nearby threat causing his brain to fight the alcohol. Bakura was busy mumbling something about 'sacrificing Melvin for the cause.' Marik quickly dragged the others out into the parking lot, listening as the squeals got louder, people flying through the air as they charged through the crowd. Throwing the two drunks in the back, Marik jumped in the drivers seat and started the car. The fangirls were darting across the parking lot, and Marik wondered how they could run in those high heels.

"Oh SHIT!" Marik shouted, punching the gas as two of them attached themselves to the car. One was knocked off, but the other one clung to the hood of the car. Plowing through rows of fangirls, Marik used every trick he knew to try and detach the girl on the hood. Melvin and Bakura had regained consciousness, and were pelting the girls chasing the car with anything they could find in the car. The girl on the hood managed to climb up enough to where her hand was through the window, grasping towards Marik. That was when Melvin struck.

"Go ta hell motha fucka!" he shouted, stabbing the hand with his millennium rod. For a minute, the girl didn't seem to register the pain, but then she withdrew her hand, screaming, 'DO NOT IGNORE OUR LOVE!' Marik slammed on the breaks, sending her rolling.

"Floor it! **FOR THE LOVE OF RA GET US OUTTA HERE**!" Bakura shouted from the backseat, fending off multiple hands reaching for him, Melvin stabbing at them. As they tore away, the mob slowly got smaller in the mirrors, until they disappeared altogether.

"That was the most terrifying moment of my entire life," Marik commented, looking back nervously, as though he expected them to still be there. That was also when the red and blue lights came on behind them. Marik looked at the speedometer, where it read 105. Shit.

* * *

><p>After a quick car chase, which resulted in 24 injuries, and the two yamis being tasered (they would jerk uncontrollably every now and then), the three ended up being thrown (literally) into a jail cell. A cop walked to their cell, holding the keys.<p>

"You guys get one phone call, and that's it," he said, hand on his taser. The three looked at each other.

"Bakura, you'd better be the one to call Ryou. After all he is your hikari," Melvin pointed out, eyes on the taser. Bakura walked over to the phone, dialed the number, and prayed that Ryou was in a better mood.

"Hello?" came the voice on the other end.

"Ummm, Ryou? It's Bakura, and me, Melvin, and Marik are in a bit of trouble…" Bakura trailed off, not liking the silence on the other end of the line.

"… Yami, where are you?"

"…. The county jail…"

"….. How many people are dead and how much is bail?"

**FINALLY. I FINALLY managed to update. Between babysitting, school coming up (August 4th T_T) and the random family drama, I have had hardly ANY time to update. Oh yeah, I've got a poll posted on my account, so please vote to see if me, my OC, or both of us appear in this story. **


	5. Edward Bashing and Spider Attacks

The car ride back to the cabin was filled with explanations. Marik and Bakura both supplied the story as to how they ended up in jail, Ryou occasionally asking questions. Melvin was in the fetal position mumbling about a blonde wig and fending off burly prison men with a food tray. When Ryou had arrived, Marik and Bakura were standing by a wall of the cell, while Melvin was swinging a metal food tray and a blonde wig at the other men in the cell. Then he had to pay the bail money, and then had to convince the officers not to taser them again.

"Well, I just made a new rule. If you plan on going to town again, you will all wear sunglasses, and each of you is going to pay me back for the bail money," Ryou announced. Nobody dared to complain. However, after a few miles, they heard a tapping coming from the trunk.

"What the hell is that?" Bakura asked as they pulled over.

"How should I know? Check it Bakura," Ryou replied, looking over his seat. Grumbling, Bakura stepped out of the car, walked to the back, and opened the trunk.

"OHMIFUCKINGODHELPMEEEE GACK!" came the strangled scream from the back. As everyone got out, they saw the horror that had befallen on Bakura.

"Oh god…." Melvin whispered in horror, taking a step back. Immediately, the boys shoved Bakura in the back and sped off towards the cabin, hoping they made it in time…

* * *

><p>"It doesn't look good," Marik sighed, walking out of the kitchen. As the others walked in, they saw that no real progress had been made. Bakura was pale, his eyes bulging slightly out of their sockets. He was also now turning a slight blue color and made soft whispers for help. The cause for his distress currently had him in a death griphug. A fangirl, one who apparently had managed to hide in the trunk, was clinging tightly to him, squealing occasionally and refusing to let go. They'd tried everything to get her off, even a crowbar, pepper spray, and fire. Nothing had worked.

"This calls for extreme measures," Melvin announced solemnly, reaching into a box that read 'Fangirl Repellant.' Bakura's eyes widened, and made sounds for them to stop. Melvin looked sadly at him, pulling the object from the bag. Bakura instantly cringed.

"Sorry, but it's the only way," Melvin apologized, throwing out the object.

….

"Bella, where are you?"

The effect was instantaneous. Screeching in horror, the fangirl released Bakura, and leapt over the balcony to her doom. Meanwhile, the boys were busy clubbing Edward over the head with anything they could find. After properly burning him at the stake, everyone returned to the cabin feeling a bit better, even traumatized Bakura.

"So Bakura, how ya holdin' up?" Melvin asked, grinning at his fellow yami's expense.

"Maybe next time you can have the pleasure of having a living clamp attached to you," Bakura grumbled. That was when Marik and Ryou came screaming in from the kitchen. Both hikaries promptly decided to hide behind their yamis, eyes wide in terror.

"Spider…in…kitchen…" Ryou sputtered, hiding behind his yami. Both yamis looked at each other, and then burst out laughing.

"You're both afraid of a little spider?" Melvin asked, crying from laughing so hard.

"Well if you're so tough, YOU go kill it!" Marik snapped, pushing both yamis into the kitchen.

"Awww, how bad could it be?" Bakura asked, and then froze as he saw it. It was HUGE, with long, hairy legs and pincers. (Note that while writing this I will be jumpy for the rest of the night and be paranoid that everything is a spider.)

"HOLY FUCK!" they both yelped, jumping on the table. The thing scuttled under the table, disappearing from sight.

"Did you see that thing?" Melvin asked Bakura, who replied with a 'duh' look. "Okay, you go down and kill it," Melvin said, eying the floor nervously. This earned him a 'da-hell-you-say' look.

"Are you kidding? That thing will fuckin EAT me," Bakura replied. Before an argument could erupt, Bakura felt something crawl on his shoulder. It was the spider, and all hell broke loose.

"OHFUCKGETITTHEFUCKINHELLOFFME!" Bakura screeched, as Melvin whacked it with his shoe, sending it flying to the counter. The spider scampered around the counter; random things the yamis threw missing it by inches.

"SHIT! KILL IT!"

"THE DAMN THING'S INVINCIBLE!"

"IT'S IN THE MICROWAVE!"

At that moment, Melvin summoned his courage and slammed the microwave door shut, leaving the spider trapped inside.

"Go to hell," Melvin told it, and started the microwave. The thing convulsed, then curled up and died, it's tiny spider soul going straight to the inner circle of hell. Cause that's where all the dead spider's souls go to. Hell.

"It's dead," Melvin told Bakura, who was having what looked like a seizure mixed with terets, as he beat at himself like there were still spiders on him. That was when the hikaries stuck their heads in, surveying the damage. The table had been flipped over, two chairs were broken, and most of the dishes were shattered. Bakura was screeching about the spider, and Melvin was putting a lock on the microwave. Noticing the hikaries, he turned to them.

"Don't use the microwave, there's a dead spider in it."

**Me: *is shuddering and beating at self***

**Melvin: And what is your problem?**

**Me: I HAVE ARACHNIPHOBIA! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD IT IS! MY FEET HAVE NOT TOUCHED THE FLOOR IN AN HOUR!  
><strong>**  
>Melvin: Uh…<strong>

**Bakura: WHY DID THE SPIDER ATTACK ME! AND THE FANGIRL! **

**Me: Sorry Kura, but I needed SOMEONE to bash.**

**Bakura: Wasn't the sparkling vampire/fairy enough?**

**Me: *dancing around large bonfire* BURN SPAWN OF SATAN, BUUUUURN!**

**Edward: *sparkles* AHHHHH!**

**Me: Yes, I hate Twilight, sue me. Again, rabid fluffy bunnies shall eat all haters, cause they're just that evil. Aslso, I've got a poll up on my account, and the very future of this fanfic depends on the people who vote on it. 2 votes isn't enough to decide, so vote! *throws sparkley stars everywhere***


	6. Fredrickson the Bear

He was hungry. Despite all the food he'd eaten, he was still hungry. The streams of fish and berries only went so far. Nosing through the things he'd knocked out of the shiny thing, he found only a few scraps of food, and nothing else. He growled with annoyance. Stupid humans with their stupid objects doing stupid things. Suddenly, he perked up, hearing a cry in the distance. Noise usually meant something alive, and something alive meant food. He stood on his back legs to get a better idea of direction. Slowly, he lumbered off into the woods, heading towards what he hoped was food.

* * *

><p>"MELVIN, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"<p>

"MUWAHAHAHA!"

It was just another day, Melvin annoying Bakura, Bakura chasing Melvin with a butcher knife, Ryou and Marik taking bets on the survivor… a typical day. Deciding to allow the yami's out of the house, they'd gone on a small picnic in the woods. After avoiding the fangirls, cops, and telemarketers (which the yami's had hissed violently at), they'd found a spot and started a fire. After putting Melvin out because of said fire, they'd started cooking, which resulted in both yami's catching fire. After being banned from lighter fluid, one thing led to another, and they were now running around the clearing.

"How long do you think they'll keep this up?" Ryou asked Marik, sipping a mug of hot chocolate.

"Until the food's done, most likely," Marik replied, idly turning the steaks over, because it was the only food the yami's would eat. Meanwhile, Bakura and Marik had disappeared into the woods.

* * *

><p>It was strange. These two humans had just appeared out of nowhere. One had white fur on its head while the other had gold hair sticking in all directions. The white one was yelling at the gold one, while the gold one made a loud barking sound. Were they after food too? He reared up on his hind legs and roared to get their attention. They WERE fair game after all. Both of them froze in mid-chatter, then ran off screaming something in unison. Quickly, he gave chase. He'd be damned if a chance for food ran away.<p>

"DAMMIT MARK, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"YOU HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST, FLUFFY!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE-" Thud.

"HAHAHA!"

"DAMMIT, MELVIN, I'M GONNA-"

RAAAARRRRRR!

"…"

"…"

"HOLY SHIT A BEAR!"

* * *

><p>Ryou and Marik were chatting about the stupid things their yami's had done, when said yamis had dashed out of the woods like bats out of hell.<p>

"Bakura what's wro-" Ryou began, not being able to finish as his yami zoomed past him and jumped into the car, Melvin right on his heels.

That was when the one ton of death charged out of the woods.

Now, being the smart people they were, Ryou and Marik didn't copy their yamis and run screaming to the car. They ran screaming and climbed up a tree. Cause they're smart. The bear was a brown bear, lucky for them, and didn't like climbing that much.

"BEGONE FOUL CREATURE!" Melvin cried, hurling a math book at the bear. Which just pissed it off.

"MELVIN! NOW IT'S MAD!" Bakura screeched, ducking down into the backseat. The bear rushed the car, trying to get to the annoying yamis inside.

"DEAR RA I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Melvin yelled. Bakura was being as quiet as possible. 'Maybe I can get away while it mauls Melvin,' he thought.

* * *

><p>And he'd thought this would be easy. He'd chased the two loud ones to a clearing, where they dove into a shiny thing. The two smaller ones had made loud noises and climbed a tree. Then the blonde one in the shiny thing had thrown something heavy at him. Pissed, he'd charged at the shiny thing, trying to get to the annoying creatures inside. Could they stop making noise for just one second? He'd killed things that didn't make this much noise. Then he caught a whiff of something good. Heading over to the bright thing, he found four big pieces of meat. They smelled good. He leaned in to take a bite…<p>

* * *

><p>"NOBODY EATS MY STEAK! NOBODY!"<p>

It was truly a sight to behold. Melvin and Bakura were beating the bear with sticks, while the poor creature was trying to find a way out. They had gone psychotic, and the bear was running for the woods, the two yamis hot on his tail. Ryou and Marik watched, wide-eyed, as they disappeared into the woods.

**Me: Before you shoot me, allow me to defend myself. I had 5 updates written on my Ipod (since my computer had a virus) and then it got stolen. So blame the guy who stole my Ipod for the lack of updates. Next I'll add my Halloween story, which ties into this one. So sorry for the wait!**

**Bakura: It's a wonder anyone still reads this at all, you don't update so much.**

**Me: T.T**

**Melvin: *is torturing bear***

**Me: LEAVE FREDRICKSON ALONE!**

**Melvin:... Seriously, Fredrickson? Is that the best you could come up with?**

**Fredrickson: *facepalm***

**Bakura: Even the bear hates it...**

**Me: SHADDUP! Anywho, haters will be locked in a closet with Melvin on sugar high! MUWAHAHAHA!**

**Bakura and Fredrickson: O.o**

**Melvin: YAY I GET CANDY!**

**Ryou and Marik: WE'RE STILL STUCK IN THE TREE YOU KNOW!**


	7. Witches and Black Cats

The woods were dark. Bakura and Melvin weren't sure what time it was, but they knew it was probably getting close to nighttime. They'd chased the bear deep into the woods, but after crossing a stream a few hours ago the pair soon found that they had gotten very lost. To top it off, they were lost in the woods on Halloween. Meaning their hikaries would be too scared to come find them. Bakura almost wished the bear had eaten him to spare him from Melvin's ranting.

"Melvin, if you do not stop talking right now I am going to hang you from the highest tree I can find and wait for that bear!" Bakura snapped, near his breaking point.

"THAT'S the most creative threat you could manage? My, you truly have lost your touch," Melvin sneered, unfazed with the threat, "Are you scared as well? Perhaps your hikari has rubbed off on you."

"ME! SCARED? Have you forgotten that I AM the darkness?" Bakura exploded, ready to kill. Melvin just grinned.

"Fine then. Prove it. The last person on this side of the stream come morning is the King of Darkness. The one that crosses first will have to be Tea's best friend for a week. Deal?"

"Deal"

* * *

><p><em>Looking from the shadows of the treetops, a girl stared down on the unsuspecting yamis. Next to her, a black cat with poisonous purple eyes looked up at her, questioningly. Looking at her companion with deep blue eyes, the girl just grinned, crouching down to pet the cat's ears.<em>

_"Of course, Shadow, it's Halloween night, and when will we have this chance for fun again?" The cat seemed to grin back at his mistress, and together they slowly melted into the darkness._

* * *

><p>To spend the night in the woods of Alaska, one normally has to carefully prepare. Warm clothes, a sturdy tent, food, warm sleeping bags, and a way to start a fire are all very basic camping objects that are required to make the experience enjoyable. Bakura and Melvin didn't have those things, so they had to improvise. Using what little knowledge they'd managed to glean from watching Man vs. Wild, they made a lean to with pine branches and were trying to start a fire with two sticks. Immediately there were problems. Since Melvin's hair was freakishly huge, he couldn't fit into the lean to, which led to a 20-minute argument and a new shelter. The next problem was that Bakura was impatient, so taking time to let the fire grow was boring. Putting said small flame next to Melvin's hairspray soaked hair and watching the burst of flames, however, was not. After everything was done, the two huddled around the fire, too tired and cold to even argue with each other. The full moon was out, glowing a otherworldly orange-yellow, dark clouds surrounding it. Even though neither would admit it, the whole atmosphere was unnerving, shadows flickering in the firelight.<p>

"Well, someone needs to get more firewood soon, we're running low," Bakura announced, breaking the agonizing silence, distracting his imagination. Melvin seemed relieved at the broken silence too.

"You brought it up, so you go get it," Melvin replied, settling into a confident smirk, despite the growing unease inside of him. When they'd been given bodies, their powers had been restricted, and who knew what kind of creatures roamed these woods?

"Fine then, rock paper scissors to decide."

* * *

><p><em>Based on the way the blonde complained, he must have been the one to get the bad end of the deal. As he started towards the forest, the girl's grin grew. They were making this soooo easy! One in the woods, the other alone by a dying fire. As she eagerly rubbed her hands together, small blue and black sparks flew from her fingertips.<em>

_"Let the nightmare begin," she whispered, a cold wind blowing through her blonde hair._

* * *

><p>"Stupid firewood, stupid Bakura, stupid wind, stupid forest…" Melvin muttered, trying to find some wood that wasn't snow covered. A sudden cold wind sent shivers through him, but the low groan of the wind sent chills down his spine. He glanced around. The moon's sickly glow cast enough light to see, making each tree appear to be white as bone. The wind made the branches sway, making their shadow dance in a malevolent way.<p>

"Okay, where the hell is the damn wood?" Melvin said, panic working its way into his voice. 'Come ON, Melvin, get it together. You've been in the Shadow Realm, for Ra's sake, why are you scared?' Melvin thought. 'You are not afraid, your are not afraid, you are not afraid…' He began repeating this mantra in his head. 'You are not-'

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

><p>Bakura continued to watch the flames rise and fall, trying not to let his mind wander. 'Okay Bakura, list what you'll do when you see Ryou…' As Bakura was listing numerous ways to murder his hikari for leaving him out here, a sudden wind swept through, extinguishing his fire. It took a while for his eyes to adjust, but that didn't mean Bakura had to like what he saw. Everything seemed to be alive, with an ill purpose. Bakura could see his breath billowing out in front of him, fighting to control his panic. A sudden rustle from the bushes startled him.<p>

"Melvin? That you?" Bakura whispered out, not able to trust his voice. The rustling came closer.

"Dammit Melvin, this isn't funny!"

Closer.

"Melvin!" Bakura rasped out, fear getting the best of him. Out of the rustling bushes came a small raccoon. Bakura sighed in relief. 'Just a raccoon…' The wind blew.

_"Long lost words whisper slowly, to me…. Still can't find what keeps me here…"_

Bakura slowly turned around…

And found a girl with a witches hat grinning insanely at him.

* * *

><p>If anyone had heard Melvin's shriek, they would've assumed a six-year old girl had screamed. With his hands clamped over his mouth, trying to calm his heartbeat, he could see his "monster". It was a black cat with startling purple eyes. He started laughing then.<p>

"How could I have been afraid of just a little cat?" he laughed, mostly out of relief. Then, the cat grinned at him, teeth showing. His relief died instantly. The cat then threw back it's head and yowled, a sound that shattered Melvin's nerves. It lunged at him, and he took off running. He'd only gone a few yards before he crashed into Bakura. The thief was as white as his hair, his eyes wild with fear.

"Bakura, there's a cat somewhere in here that's after me!" he exclaimed.

"Melvin, we've gotta get out of here before she finds us!" he stammered out wildly, fear in each word.

"Who?" Melvin could hear the fear in his own voice.

"Come little children, and follow my way, into the world of darkness and magic. With all my power, I'll show you the way, to all your dreams, hopes and illusions."

They both looked up into the trees. A girl in a black cloak was standing in the topmost branches, a witches hat perched on her head. Her shoulder length hair flowed in the wind, her eyes glowing a cold blue. Her grin was psychotic and promised danger. Next to her was a black cat, purple eyes glowing and a big Cheshire grin across its face.

A faraway church bell chimed twelve times. Red, glowing eyes appeared in the shadows, along with fanged grins.

_"Scared yet, boys?"_ the whispery voice echoed through the clearing, beautiful and yet terrifying.

Any sense of logic left the two petrified yamis. In its place was adrenaline and terror. The two tore across the forest, screaming their heads off in terror, crossing the stream simultaneously, running back towards civilization. The girl idly floated down, smiling in satisfaction of a job well done. Her cat climbed down, looking equally satisfied.

"Well, Shadow, I think this was a job well done!" she said cheerfully, reaching into the folds of her cloak and pulling out a book.

"It was fun, Mistress Silver," her cat replied, purring in content as she sat down and scratched his ears. Calmly, she wrote down their names, keeping in mind that they might be more fun to mess with later. Sighing in content, she stood, flipping the pages of her small black book.

"Let's go home, Shadow," she said, muttering a spell under her breath. Moments later, there was no trace of either of them.

* * *

><p>"Wow, I slept great last night!" Ryou exclaimed, getting up from his bed. Going to his closet, he opened the door. What he found shocked him. Both yamis were huddled in his closet, looking petrified.<p>

"Bakura? Melvin?" Ryou asked nervously, uncertain of the answer he would receive, "What's wrong?"

They both looked up and said simultaneously, "I don't like Halloween anymore."

**Me: Now THAT was fun! :D Listen to Magical Melody by DHT while reading this, it enhances it!**

**Melvin and Bakura: *shivering in terror***

**Ryou: Silver-chan, that was a mean trick. **

**Me: I think it was hilarious!**

**Marik: I wasn't even IN this one. T.T**

**Me: Don't worry, you and Ryou get the Thanksgiving story. Bakura and Melvin need time to recover. **

**Bakura: *blink* That... was... you...?**

**Me: YEP :D This is how it would be if I was involved in the story. Review and tell me if you want me to appear in later chapters. Sadly, I never did get my Ipod back, so I'm typing all my old chapters from memory.**

**Bakura: ... And I thought you were my fangirl...**

**Me: I AM! *glomps Bakura* DON'T WORRY I'M TAKING PSYCHOLOGY! ANY MENTAL TRAUMA CAN BE FIXED!**

**Bakura: *has passed out due to suffication***

**Melvin: STOP YELLING AT ME MELVIN! I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU MELVIN!**

**Everyone: o.o *backs away***

**Me: Well, I'd better get Bakura and Melvin to a hospital. Byeee! ^_^**


	8. Elves and Pepper Spray

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the cabin, not a creature was stirring... except for the two psychotic evil spirits, who had just finished killing the poor mouse. The two yamis were hiding behind the Christmas tree, waiting. For whom, you ask? For the same person every child waits for on Christmas Eve; Santa Clause. However, the yamis had a far more sinister plan in mind than the average slightly-less-evil 6 year old. After a long explanation by Ryou, since Marik didn't completely understand Christmas himself, the yamis had only retained one fact from Ryou's speech; Santa was LOADED. How else could he buy presents for every kid in the world? So the yamis had formed a simple plan; kidnap Santa and ransom him for everything he owned. So, the stockings were hung (along with a few tripwires) by the chimney with care, with hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there. The hikaries were tucked away in their beds, while visions of sugarplums (and some leather pants) danced in their heads.

"Bakura, these pine needles are stabbing me," Melvin whined, shifting slightly to find a more comfortable position. Bakura promptly glared at him.

"Shut up you moron! If you blow this our hikaries will find bits of YOU in their stockings!" he growled.

"Which bits?" Melvin asked, smirking. Bakura hit him with a candy cane. "OWWWwwww… CANDY!" Melvin exclaimed, devouring the candy cane. Bakura sighed. Suddenly, a loud rattling noise came from the chimney, with some soot falling out. Both yamis went ridged. After many long hours of waiting, Santa had finally come. Both grinned evilly. Time to get to work. But then to their wondering eyes did appear, a tiny elf with a can of pepper spray.

"MY EYES!" both yamis screeched, rolling on the floor in pain. The elf smirked, before jumping and landing on the top of the Christmas tree. Two other elves rolled out of the chimney, both with night vision goggles and armed with two strange looking guns. As Bakura and Melvin wiped most of the pepper spray from their eyes, the first elf, still perched on the tree, drew his own weapon.

Bakura, the first to recover, saw the three guns pointed at them, and shouted, "GET DOWN!" before dropping to the ground. Sadly, Melvin was too busy screeching "THE PAIN!" to hear Bakura's warning. The elf on the tree fired…. And hit Melvin. A cloud of red and green smoke filled the living room, concealing Melvin.

"MELVIN! HOLY SHIT SANTA'S ELVES KILLED MELVIN!" Bakura shouted in shock. Of all the ways Melvin could've died, this was one nobody had even considered. As the smoke cleared, Bakura saw Melvin… tied up with red ribbon. His hands and feet were bound, and the ribbon covered his mouth before ending in a poufy bow on top of his head.

"He's alive?" Bakura exclaimed, while Melvin attempted to squirm out of his bindings, looking seriously pissed_. 'They bound me with ribbon. __**FUCKING RIBBON**__!'_ Melvin thought furiously, glaring at the elves.

"Well of course he's alive, dumbass. If we killed every idiot that stayed up waiting for the Boss, then there wouldn't be over a billion people on the planet," replied the elf on the tree, idly twirling his gun.

"Cain, we need to get a move on, now," said one of the female elves, still aiming at Bakura. The other was dragging Melvin under the Christmas tree. The elf on the tree, Cain, just sighed.

"Fine, Brandy, wrap this one up and get ready for extraction," he replied, before turning and squirreling up the chimney.

"Wait, wha-" Bakura started, but then Brandy shot him.

And so away they all flew, in the red mustang, like the down of a thistle. And as they flew out of sight, you could hear them exclaiming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL- DAMMIT CAIN I WAS LISTENING TO THAT! DON'T JUST SWITCH THE FRICKEN RADIO STATION IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG! YOU BASTERD, I'LL MAKE YOU WALK HOME!"

* * *

><p>The next morning, the two hikaries ran down the stairs, eager to open presents. What they DIDN'T expect, however, was their yamis to be tied up like Christmas presents.<p>

"Bakura, what happened?" Ryou exclaimed, removing the ribbon so his yami could talk.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU IN A COMA LAST NIGHT? DID YOU NOT HEAR THE FUCKIN SCREAMING AND GUNSHOTS AND-" Bakura shrieked, but was cut off by Ryou putting the ribbon back into place.

"…I think we can leave them tied up until we've finished opening presents," Ryou said to Marik, and then started opening presents.

"Wow, neither Bakura or Melvin can talk. It's a Christmas miracle!" Marik exclaimed, smirking at his yami before joining Ryou. Needless to say, both yamis got coal in their stockings. And a deep, irrational terror of Christmas.

**Me: I am sooooooooooooo sorry it took me this long to update! Between getting the programs I need on my laptop and being grounded, I haven't been able to get on my computer in forever! In a nutshell, I was EPICLY failing psychology, my mom found out, and grounded me until I got it back up to a C. I JUST NOW got ungrounded. So again, I'm soooooo super sorry to all my readers! **


	9. Shopping and Getting High

After the wonderful events of Christmas, things had (somewhat) calmed down, mostly because Bakura and Melvin were coming up with a surprise attack for next Christmas. Ryou and Marik had decided to go to town to stock up on groceries and had, with many misgivings and speeches about responsibility, left the two yamis at the cabin. Alone. You can probably see the flaw in this plan. After about an hour of planning, Melvin's attention span (which was about as long as a goldfish's) promptly turned itself to other forms of amusement, like tormenting the poor teenagers in the neighboring cabin. After re-enacting Friday the 13th, Melvin returned with bags of strange, plant-like substance in them. Bakura, who had taken advantage of the alone time by catching up on his sleep (fangirl filled nightmares), looked up at his partner in crime as he walked in.

"So, how many bodies will we have to hide?" he asked dully, feeling bored.

"None." Bakura raised an eyebrow at that. "I set the cabin on fire, so all the bodies are already taken care of," Melvin replied, smiling at his ingenious way of cleaning up the mess. Bakura returned to counting ceiling tiles.

"Come on, Kura, look what I brought back," Melvin taunted, waving the bags over Bakura's face.

"One, don't call me Kura," Bakura growled, swatting the bag in his face away, "and two, get whatever that is out of my face."

"Come on, lighten up! Those teenagers were smoking it, so why don't we give it a shot? Please?" Melvin whined, trying to look cute. The end result was extremely disturbing, disturbing enough that Bakura looked very…disturbed.

"Fine, just never, EVER, do that again," he replied, taking out some of the stuff and rolling it up in some paper, like he'd seen Bandit Keith do. Taking out a lighter, he lit one end and inhaled on the other, with Melvin doing the same.

"See, it's not so bad," Melvin smirked, looking entirely too smug, "what could go wrong?"

* * *

><p>As Ryou and Marik walked through the store, the first thing they were struck with was just how EXPENSIVE things were. Everything was at least $2 higher than back home, so, needless to say, it was decided that with coupons and smart shopping, everything would turn out alright. The gods, however, were feeling particularly cruel that day, and after piling the groceries at the checkout counter, it was quickly discovered that their coupons weren't scanning. After a small breakdown on Marik's part at the sight of the total, and a quick call to Ryou's dad, the two were loading up there car and getting ready to head back to the cabin. But the gods weren't finished yet. After hearing the squeal of "OMG ITS MY FUTURE HUSBANDS!" both boys ran back into the store, a pack of fangirls at their heels (because everyone knows that fangirls hunt in packs). They took cover in the gardening department, and had been stuck there since, in their fort make of bagged fertilizer.<p>

"Do you see any?" Ryou asked, his flower pot helmet on and a shovel in his hand. Marik shook his head, peering out over the quiet store. It was too quiet.

"They hunt like velociraptors, they use stealth then overwhelm you with teamwork," Marik replied, not looking away from the clearing. Where the hell were they? Fangirls didn't give up, so where had they gone? Little did the boys know, but after the earlier escape from their clutches, the fangirls had sent out a worldwide message, telling fangirls around the world that the four bishies were in Alaska. Historians would later call the massive march to Alaska the "Great Fangirl Migration". By plane, by sea, by foot, by UPS, and even by balloon, they flocked to Alaska, drawn in by the hope that their bishie of choice would choose them as their wives.

"It's been too long, they're up to something. I know it. What are they planning? What do they want? Why did I have to be born attractive? WHY DIDN'T WE BRING EDWARD CULLEN?" Ryou panicked, eyes going wide in fear. Marik grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"We are NOT gonna lose. We WILL make it out of here," Marik said firmly, looking into Ryou's eyes for any sign of further panic.

"SOOOOO KAWAIIIII! IT'S A YAOI MOMENT!"

"HOLY FUCK SHIT DAMN-" Marik screeched as the fangirls tore through their fort, heading straight for them. Ryou took off at a run, with Marik turning to follow-

"I GOT MARIK OMG HE'S SOOO KAWAIIIIIII AND SMEXYYYYY!" Marik tried to twist out of her grasp, but as more arms encircled him, he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"RYOU, HELP MEEEEE!" he cried out, praying for help. But he didn't see Ryou anymore, he must have gotten away. As he began to slip beneath the waves of bodies, his world going dark, he wondered why the hell he'd ever wanted to leave his underground home…

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OMGOMGOMGOMG **MINE**!" Suddenly, he could see light, and he was being pulled towards the exit.

"Come on! It won't be long until they realize it's a fake!" Ryou panted, dragging Marik along. Marik looked back, seeing fangirls swarm at the object on the ground. It was a cardboard cutout of that Jacob guy from Twilight. The fangirls were going mad over it, shrieking, kicking, and tearing at each other to get at it. As they ran across the parking lot, Ryou began to slow down, panting and wincing in pain, holding his side.

"Damn stitch in my side… Marik, get the car! Hurry!" Ryou called after Marik, slowing to a light jog. Marik made it the rest of the way to the car, jumped in, and hit the gas. He opened the passenger's side door.

"JUMP RYOU!" he shouted, driving by Ryou. Using his last bit of strength, Ryou lunged into the car.

"DRIVEDRIVEDRIVE!" Ryou screeched, clinging to the seats, white hair flying everywhere. Marik did, hitting the gas again, leaving the parking lot… only to slide on ice and land in a snow bank. Again.

* * *

><p>"Ya know, Kura, the sky, it looks like…. The sky or somethin' like that," Melvin drawled, looking up at… the ceiling.<p>

"I know, lookit all the colors… and the ponies…. Ryou likes ponies… that one looks like Ryou…" Bakura replied, also staring at the ceiling. The whole first floor had a fine layer of smoke across it, with the two yamis in the middle of it. After smoking both bags of weed, the two had given up on their ability to stand/sit and had simply laid down, enjoying the colors. Suddenly, Melvin started whimpering.

"Dude, why is the Millennium Puzzle tryin' to eat me? And why is there a giant tarantula-fangirl on the couch?" he whimpered, looking childishly afraid. Bakura just shrugged, not seeing them, just the ponies… when he heard a noise from the kitchen. After walking/dragging himself to the kitchen, he looked for the source of the noise, until his eyes settled on the microwave…

The microwave was rattling, an eerie green light emitting from it. The lock shook, then snapped off. Everything went quiet and still. And then the door slowly opened with a chipper 'ding'. Out came one long, hairy leg, followed by another, and another. Then, eight eyes and pinchers the size of bush shearers. The spider had returned. And it had mutated. It had grown to the size of a large dog, and was as hairy as one. Large wasp-like wings protruded from it's back, and it now had a stinger on it's end. Bakura stood there, almost admiring it, for a whole 5 seconds. Then he let out an ear-splitting shriek and ran (because things like that make you magically regain your abilities) back to the living room, still shrieking.

"Hey, whut da hell Kura? Why're you…" Melvin began, trailing off as the wasp-spider flew into the living room. Again, 5 seconds of staring led to two yamis running screaming up the stairs, the wasp-spider letting out a clicking noise and pursuing. The two dove into a closet, slamming the door shut just as the wasp-spider leapt. Its weight made the door shutter, and the two promptly scurried to the back of the closet, still screaming. The wasp-spider began scratching furiously at the door, the sounds of angry clicking and humming wings making it a scene straight out of a horror movie. Gradually, the sounds lessened, and then faded away altogether. The yamis then realized that they had to breathe to live, and stopped screaming. They sat there, huddled together in the closet, trembling.

"…Kura?"

"…Yeah?"

"I don't like being high anymore…"

* * *

><p>After convincing a trucker to take them home, Marik and Ryou had settled into silence. They'd waved him down as he was driving down the road. After Ryou had given him the 'Puppy Eyes of Doom', he'd let them load up their groceries and said he'd take them back to their cabin. The driver, sensing that these boys had been through a lot, remained quiet, focusing on the road. Poor kids, he thought, he had a son about their age… When he looked up again, he hit the brakes.<p>

"SHIT!" he shouted, the truck lurching to a halt. Both boys were thrown forward, groaning when they came to a stop.

"Owwww… what's the matter? What happened?" Ryou asked, wincing a little.

"Some freaky dame is standin' in the middle of the road!" the trucker responded, looking both relieved and annoyed. Both boys went rigid. They glanced at each other.

"Impossible…" Ryou mumbled, eyes wide.

"How could the catch up?" Marik whispered, fist clenching the seat. For a moment, it was a standoff, a fangirl-bishie standoff (the third most racist standoff in the world). Then, she charged, squealing as she ran.

"Dammit, not another one…" the trucker mumbled, hitting the gas. Two slight bumps later they were speeding down the road. Both boys looked at him in amazement.

"Who ARE you?" Marik asked, mouth agape. Ryou simply gaped in admiration. The man sighed.

"Well, my name is Sasuke, and let's just say I've had problems with fangirls myself. I got into the Bishie Protection Program, and this is my disguise." A brief flash filled the cabin of the truck, and in the man's place was a pale, dark-haired teen.

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!" both boys exclaimed, in shock of the magic used.

"Well, I was a ninja, but my chakra gets low. Silver's the one who keeps the illusion up. Here's your stop, good luck," he replied, letting both boys out before driving away.

"I wish I was a ninja," Ryou said wistfully, starting towards the house with his arms full of groceries. Marik rolled his eyes.

"I'm more interested in that Bishie Protection Program," he replied, opening the door. They were both immediately hit by the smell of marijuana. Putting the groceries down on the floor, they surveyed the damage. Furniture was overturned, and there were deep gashes in the walls, the offending knife beside the wall. The smell was still there, but just barely. A window had been shattered, glass all over the carpet. Neither moved for a minute, then they heard whimpering from upstairs. With Marik leading the way, both boys slowly crept up the stairs, stopping at the hallway closet, where the noise was coming from. Ryou grabbed a broom and nodded to Marik. Marik took a deep breath, and threw open the door, Ryou ready to swing. All they saw were two yamis wrapped in blankets. Both let out a breath of relief.

"Dammit, we thought you two were fangirls!" Marik hissed, glaring at the two.

"What the FUCK happened here? And why the HELL is there pot in here?!" Ryou added, eyes narrowing into slits. The broom was still in swinging position. Both yamis, however, launched themselves down the stairs and at the groceries.

"FOOD!"

* * *

><p>After eating almost everything (Ryou had beaten them both off with the broom while Marik dragged them away by their hair) both yamis rambled about the wasp-spider and how it was gonna eat them all in their sleep. Neither of the hikaries had believed them.<p>

"You were HIGH. It was a hallucination, not real," Ryou told them, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

"OUR attack at the supermarket was REAL," Marik added in, salvaging what he could of the groceries. After telling their tale of fangirls and the strange truck driver Sasuke, the two boys began to clean up the living room, leaving the broken window for the yamis to fix (after many warnings not to play with the glass). After patching up said yamis (and many 'I-told-you-so's), the living room was back in order. Using his shadow magic, Bakura fixed the window, and they all went to bed, exhausted by the day.

"Why do I have a feeling I'm not getting my security deposit back?" Ryou mumbled as he headed up the stairs to his room.

Nobody noticed that the microwave was open.

* * *

><p><strong>Me: Sooooo... after a year of nothing, here it is!<br>*crickets chirping*  
>Me: YES I KNOW IT TOOK LITERALLY FOREVER DON'T BLAME ME!<br>Ryou: Well, Silver-chan, you DID take a year...  
>Bakura: WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!?<br>Melvin: *eating anything he can*  
>Me: Well, my parents spent about ten months threatening divorce, and the past couple of months I've been working and getting ready for college...<br>Marik: My parents kept me UNDERGROUND, and you don't see me complaining!  
>Me:... You murdered your father, spawned THAT *points at Melvin* and tried to murder a group of teens. Gee, you turned out SO great...<br>Melvin: KILL YOUR FAMILY! AND GET ME MORE CHEETOS! Hey look, it's Mr. Tweetums!  
>Me: UP SHUT! Anywho, sorry to my readers for the long wait, but I'm back now! As usual, flamers and haters will be thrown to the fangirl packs!<strong>


End file.
